Wednesday, August 12, 2009

A Letter to my Babies as They Turn One

My little dears, all three, no one first, no one last:

Today you turned one. I've avoided writing this letter to you all day because as I type it, I can barely see through the tears pouring out of my eyes, and I can't swallow past the lump in my throat. Interestingly, your Mommy isn't sad at all. I'm so filled with love and gratitude to all three of you. If babies can be heroes -- and I truly believe they can-- you three are mine. At this time last year, your father and I watched you struggle, your tiny chests fighting for every single breath. It scared us in ways we could never have imagined until we laid our eyes on you. From those early, frightening moments, you have done nothing but fill us with pride every minute since. And let me tell you, there is no gift in this world more precious than being your parents.

This year has passed faster than any year I've ever had. I feel like it was only moments ago that you were less than three pounds, your faces half the size of the palm of my hand. We had to learn to care for preemies so small, but little by little you grew, got stronger. Those days in the NICU are burned into my memory as if they just happened. In the blink of an eye, we were taking you home. First Julia, then Braddock two days after Julia, and finally Griffin two weeks later (just exactly the order in which you were born). We were up every three hours day and night to feed you, change you, soothe you -- tired beyond anything I had ever experienced before. In another blink, you slept through the night. However tired I was, there was a peacefulness in those moments in the middle of the night that I will cherish the memory of for the rest of my life. You were so little I could hold you all at once. The almost inaudible sighs you made as you were falling back asleep, I still hear sometimes and I smile. Yet another blink and you were rolling over, eating cereal, sitting up, crawling, standing. Bit by bit you have turned into these big, healthy babies who aren't really babies any more. That fills me with pride and breaks my heart all at the same time.

This year with you, I can say unequivocally, has been the very best year of my whole life. It was not nearly as overwhelming or as difficult as I'd imagined while I waited for you to be born. (that's not to say I didn't have difficult moments where I was overwhelmed -- every Mommy has felt that way. Luckily, those moments pass.) You have filled my days with wonder and excitement. For a woman who is always ready to move on to the next thing, you've made it very easy to stay right here with you all day every day, and I know how lucky I am to be able to do that. Not only did I get to spend this year caring for you, I also got to spend it with my Mom and Dad, and that has been the main reason I haven't felt overwhelmed. It had been a long time since I got to see them on a daily basis, and I've truly loved having them here helping us. (I think they've loved being with you, too.)

My children, thank you simply for being you. As you continue to grow, learn and explore this great big world, my only wish for you is a simple one: Buddha says, (and I'm not quoting exactly here)Love the whole world as a Mother loves her child. If you can do that -- knowing what I've learned this year, the love I feel for you three children -- I promise you can never lose!

Happy 1st Birthday.
I love you,

Mommy

3 comments:

Christy Lagos said...

And now I have tears in my eyes! You and Bill have done such an amazing job caring for these beautiful children. They are as blessed to have you as parents as you are blessed to have them as your children. What a year you've had. It's amazing how life can change in just 3 tiny breaths.

Heres to all the wonderful moments that lie ahead! Happy Birthday J, B & G!

Love,
Christy

The Honeymooners-Chris and Noelani K. Miranda said...

Nicci, You are amazing...Bill too. Thanks for sharing this beautiful note.

Kathy Murphy said...

What a beautiful tribute to your children and family! You're a great mom and Bill is right up there with you. Love to all,
Kathy